I was chatting recently with a friend who I admire for her ability to share how she hears from God. Sometimes it’s just sensing His intentions, sometimes it’s hearing Him in the way we as humans can. Personally, I am uncomfortable saying I hear from God. Truthfully, when I get thoughts for a Shabbat encouragement, or sometimes when I read it after it is written, I feel the inspiration is definitely from Him and not from me. When the synchronicities occur that are often the inspiration for the writing, I know they are from Him. And yet, when I talk about these writings to others, I shy away from saying He speaks to me, or that they are from God. I don’t hear His voice, but I feel He is with me intimately as I write to you weekly.
My friend suggested I pray about this and that most likely I will find a place for inner healing. So I did. And maybe I still do need to heal an inner wound. But at least for today, here’s what I “heard”. . .
Before I was a believer in Yeshua, when I was a mainstream Jew and active in my Jewish community, I can remember how I, and my Jewish friends, felt when a Christian person would say he or she was blessed. We thought they were very boastful. Who are they to think God would bless them? They/we are just little people. They must feel they are better than the rest of us. This feeling was especially strong if the person would say that God had answered their prayers. Babies are starving in Africa and God brought you the job you wanted!!! Oy!
I now know my reasoning was terribly flawed. And of course our Jewish Scriptures overflow with evidences of blessings and answered prayer. Yet it was Moses who I would think about who was not allowed to see HaShem’s face. And even though Moses was just a regular guy, I didn’t think about him in those terms. Instead I saw him as a leader of our people with special access. I was just one of the common people at the bottom of Mt. Sinai. My traditional Jewish background did not emphasize the average person’s being blessed. Rather, the eastern European culture of my grandmother who lived with us trumped any theological basis for a different emotional wiring on the subject. We are here to suffer! God’s got more important things to handle than your little problems!
Now I’m a Messianic Jew, so as the song goes, “I’ve looked at life from both sides now.” As a mainstream Jew, I was blessed to feel that God answered prayers. But He was “up there”, and the answering never felt extremely personal. Even when my prayers were for good health for my family, my expectation was more for a covering generally than for a specific healing. My prayers were more for peace in the world than for mom and dad to stop fighting. I spoke with God but didn’t expect a conversation, an answer, especially one that I could hear or really know was from Him. It was more of a feeling of His presence, but not a palpable one. Now, with Yeshua in my heart, my prayers feel intimate. I am speaking as I go through my day with God who is sitting right next to me. I feel His closeness even though I cannot “hear” Him. I see a multitude of examples of His being in the details of my life, His knowing my thoughts, His creating opportunities for me, His guiding my words, His “speaking” to me in the ways I can “hear” him.
My friend was right. A healing is needed. But it is one not just for me, but also, for my people, one not only for my Jewish brothers and sisters who struggle to believe in God, but also for those who believe in HaShem but are blind to the truth of Yeshua. There is a deep wound within my people’s hearts for the stripping away of Yeshua as the center of Jewish faith. My guess is that when Jewish people understand that Yeshua was the greatest Jew of all, that He is Divine, and as they enter into an intimate relationship with the Divine, they will then know that yes, they can hear from God personally.
As for me, I’ve always been a little slow in these matters. After all, I didn’t understand that Yeshua was the promised Messiah until I was 51 years old, after a year-and-a-half of God “speaking” to me. He did so in ways I could understand, through inexplicable synchronicities and finally the big reveal. We were in a conversation that thankfully, finally, I could “hear.” And yes, further inner healing is needed to more fully integrate what I know – that Yeshua is intimately here, with my Jewish upbringing – He’s up there too and busy with bigger things. My inner healing will allow me to acknowledge the inner hearing.
So often HaShem’s words fall on deaf ears, as I believe is the case with my mainstream Jewish brothers and sisters on the subject of Yeshua. But if it happened to me, it will happen to all. It’s just a matter of time.