We’re in the thick of it – the holiday season. Chanukah is just around the corner. Extra travel. Performances to do and attend. Visitors. Extra cooking and cleaning, not to mention the holiday shopping. Oh, and life as usual, work, school, stress. It’s inevitable every year yet this year the December holidays snuck up faster with that last November weekend being Thanksgiving. All of a sudden, “Voila!” – December is here!

A couple mornings ago Sid was unaware of something I had told him that he had either forgotten or not heard and his forgetfulness really rubbed me the wrong way. No biggie. Just life. I told him the information (again). He probably didn’t even notice I felt irritated. Yet my voice was cool, neutral, not loving in tone.

I noticed, and God noticed, for He knows our hearts.

So I began to ponder the interchange.  Am I like this to Sid in frustrating situations generally? Or was this just a morning thing, for perhaps that is my most vulnerable time since I’m still sleepy, a slow riser, and without coffee yet? My ponderings grew. How do I treat those closest to me? Do I make the extra effort to be kind?

Mornings are especially the times that I am in deep conversation with our Creator, mostly listening, repenting, and always asking for guidance how better to serve Him. That morning I especially felt His closeness. In my growing self chastisement, nevertheless, I could still feel Yeshua holding me, loving me despite my failings. Morning times with Him are wonderful, needed, always so life changing in my walk, especially so on that morning.

I continued my confession. So many words of truth and clarity poured from my lips in the analysis.  Through the talking to that I thought I was giving myself, it actually felt as if the words were from Him, a teaching that I so sorely needed.

Oh my goodness, the problem is not Sid. It’s me!!! I looked at this precious man who is so amazing and thanked God for the gift of him. My goodness, if these little things rub me wrong how in the world will I feel if he really needs me some day? We’re both getting older. Look how he cares for me, loves me, walks with God, shares our trust in Him. I asked for forgiveness and saw my wonderful husband with such loving eyes. The amazing fruit of that experience has given me a refreshed heart, new eyes of the beauty of our love for each other, an awakening that is still with me days later.

I was reminded of the power of terms of endearment in our choice of words which that morning clearly I had left out of my responses! I tend to use dear, sweetie, hon, thank you, most of the time with Sid.  I sometimes use them a little too much for I tend to do so with people generally! When I feel loving toward another these words just come out. The challenge is not to use unloving words or coldness when we’re upset especially if our reason for being so is unjustified.

I am reminded of Rabbi Rich’s advice for a happy marriage – to wake up each morning and ask your spouse, “How can I serve you today?”. When we do so we not only are living in the way of Yeshua’s teaching of how to love sacrificially, but we are also sharing His Love of us with the person we serve. This question of how we can serve another applies to every person with whom we are in relationship for we are to love each other in this way. When we lovingly serve we are reminded of the blessing of each other not for what they give but for they’re being in our lives.

It probably is human to take for granted those we love the most and see each day. What a blessing to be reminded of the gift of having each other – spouse, son, daughter, friend – we each have our group of those with whom we live or are especially close in our hearts.

What an unexpected fruit of the experience I did not anticipate was the openness in my heart that resulted. Even today, and I anticipate into the days to come, my heart feels so light. I feel joyous, the opposite of overwhelmed by the busyness of the season. I’m sure this sense of well being is not just from the confession of my sin. More likely this lesson of kindness opened up a new level of how to love as He loves us, another step closer on the journey to walk in His Way. It is experiencing the healing power of love.

Despite the fast pace of these days, I hope that you can see His Love in the eyes of the loved ones in your lives. May that reality help you to be kind when it seems hard to do so, for the rewards are great not only to those whom you serve, but to you as well.

Shabbat Shalom.

Diane