Last week I shared with you details of Sid’s terrible fall which caused a severe broken ankle requiring complete immobilization for the foreseeable future. As a result I have checked out of all of my usual activities including phone time, for I am by his side almost all of the time.

In the past when I’ve been ill myself, unless impossible, I have tried to keep all the balls juggling in the air. This time as Sid’s caregiver it has been quite the opposite. Sid is my sole focus and nothing else seems important to me other than making his days as cheerful and comfortable as possible. Unexpectedly, other than his discomfort and discouragement which I work to alleviate, these are good days, especially in increasing my understanding of our walk with HaShem.

Many of you know that when I’m in Florida I’m in deep in so many fun activities – line dancing, clogging, singing, ukelele playing, jogging on the beach – the list goes on. Now, to the contrary, the only activity I am planning to do is to teach my Dance Kickboxing class tomorrow which weekly class “coincidentally” was cancelled last week for unrelated scheduling reasons by the rec department. “Coincidentally”, last week I could not have taught it anyway due to Sid’s hospitalization.

Even my “plan” to teach tomorrow will change if circumstances are such with Sid that it should be changed. God will let me know. During these days I have been so much more able to immerse into life giving quiet times with our Creator, so much more deeply and often without the many distractions, though the singing and dancing is fun and I’ve loved doing them over the years.

Yet when I’ve dug a little deeper into my past enjoyments there is recognizable an element of pride, especially with all the performances my involvement entailed. Typically I would participate in a multitude of singing and dancing gigs in nursing homes (which is fine) but primarily many rehearsals and shows were for the big Spring Festival coming up in a few weeks. Not this year. I’ve chosen just to do four dances from my cousin’s class only because it would be meaningful for her (that’s a story in itself for we are all grateful she is still alive). I also am attending our Bible Study group.

So where is all of this leading? Why is this detail so important?

Last Shabbat we listened to Rabbi Nathan’s amazing drash about Purim and the underlying story behind this holiday. We learned we are to blot out the memory of Amalek with our groggers and yet remember what he did and not tolerate the same or fall victim to such evil.  Amalek’s evil was so irrational that he could even brutally kill babies, sadly something we have even witnessed in our own lifetimes.

These words caused me to ponder what a slippery slope is life. Who are the innocents? Who think they are gods? The answers are of various degree and application. The conclusions and consequences are provocatively relevant.

All of us go through moments, days, seasons when we think that we are so strong and we don’t think about needing protection. When all is going smoothly we can easily forget the protection and provision by our Creator that has brought us to this sense of well-being. We lose the reality that our good fortune is not of our doing or of our making.

It’s the human condition to be self determinative by nature and interactive with others, unless we just check out of life and live in a monastery or on top of a mountain away from society. Once we engage in life, it’s just a matter of degree how often we can become vulnerable to the attractions of life. Not that there’s anything wrong with living and loving life! The challenge is to keep our engagement always mindful of the priority of needing God every step of the way. When that reality is forgotten, our vulnerability begins.

When we are “accomplishing” it is natural to feel prideful, happy for what we have succeeded in doing. Yet without thanking God for the achievement and serving others as the goal, metaphorically we can become the god instead of serving God. When I am dancing and singing in performances, am I really  focusing on the smiling faces in the audience or am I also being prideful of my abilities?

When we become the god rather than serve God, be it through vanity, pride, greed, power, or succumbing to temptation, we are without protection. We become as defenseless as the most vulnerable. It is then that the evil one embodying the spirit of Amalek through millennia gets a foothold and we can become easy targets of pure evil bent on destroying us. How far we fall is just a matter of degree. I am convinced we become defenseless without God through Yeshua, as defenseless as the slaughtered babies.

We live in a world of doing, not being, and are challenged to remain with God at the forefront in our thoughts and actions. To do that we must start our days in gratitude for life, be with Him in prayer and through Scripture study, speak to Him throughout the day and through the evening as much as possible, listen to His promptings, and go to rest each night with His praise on our lips, every day, deliberately in all our waking hours as the goal.

Yeshua will never leave our side and is our Protector who can only protect us if we let Him into our lives to guide the choices of endeavor we choose, and with the right heart. Conversely, when we let Him in we will be protected for we will make the right choices from hearts filled with Him.

I am so grateful for these days blessedly given to Sid and me to deeply reconnect with God, to feel Yeshua’s Presence, away from so many of the distractions, even the good ones. It is a season of reminder and reset.

I will again sing and dance but will work to consciously remind myself of the gifts and blessings to be able to do so. I will thank God profusely and push away the pride that may tempt me to lose my focus on Him and those I serve to uplift through the gift of music He has given to me to share with others and through which others will know Him through the joy of music.

How much more joy will be felt by all when we rest in His protection and His direction.

Shabbat shalom.

Diane