The DNA results are in. Mine is a match to Jane Doe’s. Although the results are unofficial as we await the results of her father’s DNA test we know that Jane Doe is my daughter.

It’s been two months since that life changing meeting at the detective’s office. Since then I’ve struggled with grief over the likelihood of AnnaLisa’s death as well as the torture of the uncertainty. I now know she died of a heart condition six years ago when she first arrived in LA. She did not want to be found for fear of our wanting her to come back home. I guess that fear was unwarranted. It also explains why we haven’t heard from her over these past six years, at least in part.

I rest in knowing she was found, actually never lost to our Creator.

On a drive this morning I am overwhelmed by the beauty of the leaves this year. They are extraordinarily colorful, and always speak to me, perhaps this autumn even moreso.

I am reminded of the glory of our Lord, this created universe, of which we have been blessed to dwell within. So many varieties of trees and expressions of life.

As the leaves radiantly shine in the brilliant sun of the day, I am reminded of the glory of living in His closeness. We bathe in feeling our Abba’s loving us, shining on us, comforting us, nurturing us if we fully open our hearts to receive that ever-present, overwhelming love.

As we drive I see that one side of the road is gloriously alight while the other is in the shade. How different the leaves appear on the side in the sunlight as they glow with bright reds, yellows, and oranges, the shaded side looking brown and rust colored, though these are the same types of trees on both sides of the road. How true of us as well, as some thrive in knowing Him while others have not yet found Him, or have rejected Him, or have been too busy to think His reality is even a possibility for them for whatever reason that may be the case.

Some bright trees are surrounded by those whose leaves have darkened or fallen to the ground, suggesting the reality of some of us who are surrounded by others who do not share our understanding of God’s reality. We can feel criticized, unsupported, frustrated, alone though among loved ones and friends. Some brilliantly lit trees are surrounded by others basking in the sunlight suggesting the gift of the blessing of being in community with those who similarly feel His Presence or yearn for it.

I pass a tree with one side aglow with deep red leaves, the side of the tree not facing  the sun still green. Sometimes in our lives we are thriving, doing well, like the green side of the tree, yet as we grow older we sometimes have more time, knowledge, and inclination to lean into our Creator more meaningfully, to come even more alive in feeling His closeness, just as the two sides of the tree. Perhaps in those later years our greenness of knowing our purposes in Him deepens as well.

I pass occasional completely dead trees, no sign of life, those that are without vibrancy. Yet even those are rooted in the ground, the sun still shining upon them, waiting for the day of their rejuvenation, perhaps through little sprouting greenery that surrounds for rebirth in another season.

Trees dying, leaves falling do not represent death, but rather life. This created world is not finite but rather part of one so much more than we can even imagine, one that is here and now and thereafter as well.

I know that all is fine with my beloved daughter, and fine with all, for He loves all of His creations, and is patiently waiting for each of us to love Him as He loves us.

Shabbat shalom.

Diane