It’s been such a hard time. As you know from last week, we are fairly convinced the Jane Doe Sid and I discussed last week with the Billerica detective is, in fact, my daughter AnnaLisa. The depth of grieving has been indescribable. I am so grateful for the kindnesses extended to me during these dreadful days of waiting.

Just as the horrific has been prevalent, so too has the holy.

Monday was the birthday of the Baal Shem Tov. You may rightly ask, “So what?”. That’s how amazing God is. My family through my mother are his descendants, or so we’ve been told through genealogy researchers. As God in His perfect timing always does, my sister sent me a post from Facebook on Monday which would have been the Baal Shem Tov’s birthday. The post is incredibly on point and ministered to my siblings and me in the deepest sense, the conclusion of the video being the key that opens all doors to His Kingdom is a broken heart. As my sister commented to us that day about the reel, “Today is our ancestor’s birthday and he sent us all a message [broken heart emoji], a message for broken hearts.”

As I have worked on collecting memories, records, details and while working with the detective, yesterday I remembered a distinguishing detail about my daughter that may confirm the unspeakable possibility she is this Jane Doe and make it a reality. When I shared that information with the detective, he said he would check and get back to me later. He is still checking as of this writing so I still do not have confirmation. The waiting is interminable.

And so, when I was in the deepest despair, I set off for a jog . . .

As I did so, crying with abandon and seeking the Lord, He gave me a song, one I never even think of, didn’t really know, one to add to the ever growing song list He seems to be providing to me these days on my journey of someday sharing His Love with others through song.

Although the other “random” songs given in these days have made me think of my love for AnnaLisa, as I looked this one up and played it, I knew this one was for me in a deeper sense. This song was bringing a reminder to me to immerse my grief into my faith in Him. Although through all of the horror of the past ten days I hadn’t lost my faith in God, I thought it more than felt it in my heart and soul. This song brought back my ability to feel His visceral Presence here, now, always.

I knew the words spoke not just to today’s tragedy, by also, to the darkness in my life before I knew Yeshua. Through the words of the music, for the first time heard this way, I faced my brokenness so many years ago, and now also in a new way. I realized how God was there then, and that He is here now, in this darkness, that Yeshua was and is weeping with me, yet strongly present to bear my pain.

On each lap of the jog, I was first wailing, then crying, then sniffling, then feeling His Presence. An eagle came into my view precisely at the end of my jog, not just showing up, but soaring above me in circles as I continued home, smiling.

I await the phone call from the detective. In my heart I feel I already know the answer of the reality in this realm. I also know the greater reality – that our Creator loves and is caring for AnnaLisa, as He loves and cares for all of us and those we love, and that He’s in it all with us, then, now, and forever.

I’m sharing the song that reminded me of those truths, a song praising Him when heard with Him in our heart:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOShEUn0aA4&list=RDAOShEUn0aA4&start_radio=1

Shabbat Shalom.

Diane