Last week we noodled about times of challenge in our lives. What are we to learn from them? Why do they happen? Why does God allow these times? Are those even the right questions?

No need to look back on last week’s writing. None of those questions were fully answered for they remain still challenging. The joys and the sorrows, and everything in between, deepen our relationship with our Creator as He through each season leads us to work on our souls.

The word that kept popping in my head this week was “suffering”. It’s not that I’m in that place, yet the healing process from last week’s surgery has not been easy. With less ability for the physical activities and usual routines, I’ve had more time to ponder what is now just discomfort but in the weeks prior to the surgery definitely was suffering.

This week on Sunday morning’s Chagigah radio show Hal Slifer played “You Want It Darker” by Leonard Cohen shortly before his death.  For those of you not familiar with this incredible poet/singer/songwriter, his works are magnificent, provocative, challenging, meaningful. I won’t delve into the layers here, but just to quote some of the song’s lyrics:

“If you are the dealer, I’m out of the game

If you are the healer, It means I’m broken and lame

If thine is the glory, then mine must be shame

You want it darker

We kill the flame

Magnified, sanctified

Be the holy name

Vilified, crucified

In the human frame

A million candles burning

For the help that never came

You want it darker”

Hineni, hineni

I’m ready, my Lord

. . . ”

Though Jewish, Leonard Cohen was a seeker of God throughout his life. As shown by the song’s lyrics, he was not afraid to cross traditional religious boundaries. In a 1988 interview he states, “Any guy who says ‘Blessed are the poor.  Blessed are the meek’  and stood with thieves and prostitutes cannot be comprehended. . . It is an inhuman generosity,” (not to mention Cohen’s Jesus-referenced lyrics in the chorus of “Suzanne”).

Alongside the song came Sunday’s Daily Davar Brit Chadashah reading – Jonah.

From my place of faith, and as an incurable optimist, I find it hard to relate to the title “You Want It Darker”, other than in some existential way in contemplating a reality that when we suffer we draw closer to God. Even Abraham, Moses, and King David had their moments of questioning God’s actions and felt frustration and anger toward Him. In Scripture we read about a loving God yet also a harsh disciplinarian and judge.

During our seasons of pain, life’s distractions silenced by suffering, desperation, and helplessness, times when we’ve turned from God, times in the dark yet wanting the light, are often when we seek Him, miss Him the most. Paradoxically, during those challenges, often with the support of loved ones and prayer, we become able to feel His Presence more profoundly, whether then or often much later. God knows this about us. So perhaps at the darkest, Jonah in the belly of the whale, and Yeshua having to die for us on the cross, we/mankind may need it “darker” to with abandon – human resistance and disbelief set aside – turn to Him more deeply.

Experiencing the contrast of dark events or seasons helps us not to take for granted the reality of His Magnificence and the many blessings He more often bestows on us, starting with the ability to breathe each breath. Enduring such hardships helps us to more fully embrace the many moments of joy, which reminders give us strength to press into the suffering and sorrow, to look at these as opportunities to draw closer to Him and to grow spiritually. When we come out of the darkness we become more aware of His inspiration through Scripture, prayer, nature’s glory, uplifting music, the company and support of fellow believers in Him. We gratefully cling to these opportunities to be reminded He is still with us.

We have a choice when tragedy overtakes us: to stay in that place of darkness, of struggle, keep seeking an explanation, blaming such a Father, or to open our eyes to the reality of God.

Experiencing the intimacy of Yeshua’s abounding love makes God’s love palpable and incentivizes us to prioritize and nurture our relationship with Him. Yeshua enables us to conceptualize God not just as the Almighty but present in the here and now, in the pain. Yeshua helps us to understand how real is God’s love for us. Through Him we can embrace the truth that God has our backs no matter what, that He is a God who is with us through all of our suffering. We are given the choice to be reinspired to follow His teachings and to serve Him through all of life’s seasons.

It ain’t easy, but we can become more grateful for the “darker” reminders so as not to take the uncountable positive prompts for granted. We learn to see and appreciate the many ways God meets each of us, at different times and different seasons, where we are, as He did most sacrificially and lovingly by giving of Himself through Yeshua in human form.

Despite the seeming impossibility of having a meaningful relationship with the Almighty, Leonard Cohen still seeks it with his plea, “Hineni” (Here I am). The truth is it is possible to have a meaningful relationship with the Almighty.

How grateful we are that Yeshua is teaching us how.

Shabbat shalom.

Diane