How do we know when we’re just going through a run of bad luck or we’re feeling it’s something more – those words I don’t like to use but I will – spiritual warfare. We really can’t know for sure, but when negative things seem to be happening all at once or in a short time frame, my antennae go up.

Preface all of that to say God always has our backs. Frankly, when I feel “under attack”, it typically emboldens me to talk back to the evil one, call him a bully, tell him I’m not afraid. Fear and confusion are his tactics and he’s no match for our Protector, our Abba, our Yeshua, the one and only. I up my prayer time and reach out to others for prayer support. I put on my Armor of God. I steep myself in Scripture.

Yet, when we’re in the crossfire, it doesn’t feel good.

So has been my recent health journey which has only gotten more complicated with more tests yet to run. The details are not important, for, being human, we all go through these times. It almost gets comical after a point. What next??!!

It’s during these days of challenge that I look out my window and thank God for the awe inspiring glory of His created world. Last Shabbat, not able to attend services in person, I was grateful to be with my Ruach community on Zoom, for I have missed those brothers and sisters when I’ve been at Ruach. I have found myself thanking God even more for the seemingly little blessings as I notice each one all the more.

Ironically, the number and variety of medical tests and procedures have kept me from worrying about any one of them in particular. How obvious these negative attacks have been. I just take a day at a time.

I feel so loved by those praying for me. So loved by God that this is all I have to deal with. It could be so much worse. I’m grateful to be able to walk and eat and do all the daily activities we tend to take for granted.

Given all that, the fight is real.

On Tuesday I was to record a segment for the Chagigah Radio show to air this Sunday (For those new, it’s a Jewish program on WERS on Sunday mornings). I had let the show’s host Hal know I had surgery on Monday under general anesthesia so I may have to reschedule. I woke up on Tuesday morning, however, feeling like I could do it.

As my call-in time came, which is on a tight studio schedule, not only was the call-in phone number wrong on the email (for the first time after many of these I’ve recorded in the past), Hal could not hear me on any of the 4 times the call went through once I was able to use the correct number. I had to use Sid’s phone, all of this taking precious minutes since at this point my allotted time slot was almost at an end. When I actually did my recording, it took multiple takes whereas in the past it’s been accomplished in only one.

The point is the segment was made and, per Hal, it came out great and will be on this Sunday morning’s show. Yet the angst also was real and that’s devil ain’t lazy stuff.

The negative drama continued. Tuesday night I got notified of fraudulent charges on our credit card so we had to cancel the card which, as you know, creates a lot of work with auto-pays. For no apparent reason, suddenly the TV wouldn’t work. The remote stopped working even with new batteries. Nevertheless, after much effort Sid and I were able to watch a good movie that evening (“Irena’s Vow”, an incredible true story set during the Holocaust).

Wednesday morning brought some follow up medical tests which were nerve racking. Hard to believe but these were completely unrelated to the surgery on Monday but had been hanging over my head as a follow up based on tests performed last week on a different body part.

As I prepared for them I talked to God and left it all up to Him. I told the evil one I’m not afraid. Despite extra drama during them (extra x-rays which shouldn’t have been necessary) the end result is they came back fine. I just had to be tortured a bit to learn the good news.

I’m not over the hurdles quite yet but I do have a new thought about them. Perhaps this is a time to really get tuned up medically, take care of myself so that I’m good to go full steam ahead in His service for the next 30 years!

These are those times when we really must up our game to stay in close relationship with God, especially if we’re working hard for His Kingdom. It sometimes feels like the evil one just wants to pick us off, one at a time. Yet that’s not the worldview in which I choose to live nor do I believe it would be the one God wants for any of us.

Rather, these are amazing times. As the world gets crazier, we are being encouraged to live lives of love and service all the more. To bring forth His Light even more brightly. To evidence courage, not fear. To live gratefully in each moment for the myriad of blessings. To live fearlessly knowing God has our backs, that He walks with us through every challenge, never leaving our side, a relationship we palpably feel through the intimate presence of Yeshua every step of the way. Ironically, the more we suffer, the closer He allows His Presence to be felt. It’s palpable. It’s real. He’s real.

So blessed we all are, to know these truths, and to walk with Him and with our faith-filled brothers and sisters loving us through it all.

Shabbat shalom.

Diane