Perhaps the truest test of my transparency in these writings is admitting that I’ve been a fan of the singer Tom Jones since I was a teenager. I can no longer defend that I like him because my mom did. I like him. Despite the image of him that was created when he was young in the 1960s, even today at age 84 his voice is still astounding.

I recently saw him live in concert and was once again amazed at his unique and powerful voice as well as the wide range of songs he sang, very few from the “sexier” days of his youth, and these days even those not sung while dancing. Although the arena was filled with thousands and the reception by the all-aged audience was over the top, the songs that clearly received the most excited reaction were Tom’s early hits, most likely because they conjure up nostalgic memories of the listener’s youth, and Tom Jones’ sexiness.

In observing this audience reaction, it struck me how Tom Jones had to be a certain way to break into the music industry back then, to be loved by his fanbase.  He had to be sexy. Although at the recent concert there was great appreciation for who he is now, including his embracing his advancing age as expressed through the newer songs’ lyrics, the audience still longed for that younger man. Sadly, just as Lady Gaga’s true talent wasn’t fully appreciated until she started singing with Tony Bennett, young performers often gain early success by exhibiting a sexy persona. Their truer selves, and even full talents, are hidden so that these performers can feel loved by their audiences.

Growing up we sometimes have to act certain ways in order to feel loved, or accepted. If I don’t act a certain way, will my parents still love me? If I fail, will I be loved? Will I have friends if I don’t do what they do? I must look professional for my clients to accept me. If I tell her what I really think, will she still like me? I look so old. Those actresses are so pretty. I’m a wreck. I never do anything right. They think I’m so dumb. Guess I am . . .

Life is filled with relationships as well as times of inner reflection, all times when we can feel analyzed, judged, and unloved. When that happens, it’s natural to try to do something else, be like someone else, act a different way, change ourselves, to conform to an expectation of how we should act, or think we should act in order to be loved.

Tom Jones and Lady Gaga, as they’ve gotten older, have been able to share their truer professional selves, at least different dimensions of their voices and song choices that reflect their journeys, musical and personal. They’ve been able to come out from behind false personae that they felt were needed in order to be accepted in the music industry when they were younger, just as we find it harder when we’re younger to have the courage to be ourselves.

Just as in such singing careers, this journey is the same for all of us, regardless of our talents. Maturing in years and in our faith walks help us to become able to more honestly love ourselves and others with less fear of repercussions that are often either self created or false ones that should not shape our life choices.

God loves us warts and all. He doesn’t even see the warts. Believing that is a game changer in one’s ability not only to live a meaningful life, but also, to more fully understand God’s interactive presence in our lives and the concept of unconditional love which we strive to give and receive. To get to the point of experiencing this depth of love, we must first learn to love ourselves, to try to see us how God sees us. . The concept is like that illustrated by the movie “Shallow Hal” – when we unconditionally love another we cannot see their imperfections.

It is a bit of a Catch 22 in a good way. Once we feel God’s love of us unconditionally, whether learned by experience or believing so on faith, we become more able to love others in that way. Others’ imperfections may even seem endearing. Those we love become able to love themselves. As we are able to love and forgive, to become non judgmental of others, those we love are changed to see themselves differently and become able to love others in their lives.

Loving this way becomes a circle of love, each one to the next, changing all who are touched, in each relationship, as a wonderful ripple effect of loving ourselves, then others, and they others, and they others, and they others. . .

We are so loved, just as we are, as He created us to be. Knowing that helps us to love ourselves more meaningfully. The ability to love our and each other’s imperfections makes such love, as He teaches us, perfect, a lifetime goal toward which to strive.

Sing on!

Shabbat shalom

Diane